Negative self-talk: how it affects us

What is self-talk? Self-talk is the internal dialog we all have ongoing through our minds every day. This internal dialog can take two forms, positive and negative.

Are you a positive thinker or a negative thinker? Do you tell yourself: Yes I can do this. I can reach my goal. Or do you tell yourself: I will never get that job so there is no point going for the interview. I am fat. I am stupid.

We all have moments of self-doubt where we question whether we can achieve something, but the difference between a constant negative thought pattern and a positive one is the difference between a person who never feels good enough and a person who feels content with life, happily challenged.

We all know those people who seem to have it all. They are always so happy. But when you stop and look at their life next to yours they have nothing more than you - sometimes they even have less than you. The difference is their internal dialog is set to positive; they look for the positive and they appreciate the things they have got.

Negative self-talk affects us in many ways. It can lead to stagnation, self-pity, depression and many more negative influences. When we repeat a negative statement over and over again we begin to believe it. “I am not good enough” may prevent us from taking the steps to achieve a promotion that we are easily qualified for. It gives us a lack of confidence that isn’t based on anything real, but reinforced by the internal negative dialog. Eventually these thoughts become all consuming and you find that you approach every aspect of your life with this negativity, beginning to feel stressed easily, depressed and having a lack of confidence and motivation.

Changing the internal dialog to positive statements makes our life better and assists us in moving forward, giving us the confidence to achieve our goals. If instead of saying “I am not good enough”, say “I can do this”. Not only will you achieve your goals but you will happier and healthier. Positive self-talk gives you a permanent cheerleader in your corner, one that carries positive messages to all areas of your life and helps you to move forward. Once you have this positivity no one can take it away from you, as it comes from within you, from your own though process.

Very often the nature of our self-talk originates from a very early age. It may be a teacher that said you weren’t good enough, or a parent that always made you believe anything is possible.

Hypnotherapy, CBT & NLP can help you to challenge the source of the negative thoughts and change them to positive ones. Eventually you will surround yourself with positive thoughts and that will create an environment that will allow you to live your best possible life.

Here a few easy steps to start to become positive:

· Smile more.

· Replace your negative thoughts with positive ones. This can be hard at first. Start by talking positively. When you have a negative thought or catch yourself about to say something negative, stop yourself and see if you can spin it on its head and turn it into a positive one. Soon this will become second nature and you will find yourself thinking in the positive first.

· Expect positive results. When you set a goal expect that not only will you achieve it but you will be better than you thought.

· Actually visualize the success you want. Picture it in your mind, picture what you DO want, rather than having a list of what you DON’T want. Have an image of what you DO want, and see yourself achieving your goal.

We all have the ability to retrain our minds, we do it every day. Give it a go. What do you have to lose? Nothing. What could you gain? Everything.

By Erika Keat

Erika offers Hypnotherapy, CBT & NLP at Waterloo Body Station on Mondays between 2.30pm - 7pm, please contact Erika for more information.   
 

© EKTherapies

Help is available

Help is available 

A recent newspaper article highlighted the very sad case of a young man who committed suicide some while after returning home from a tour of duty in Afghanistan. A terrible tragedy for this young serviceman, his family, friends and comrades, compounded by the fact that it appears he didn’t have access to the help he needed. There is, of course, no way of knowing whether therapeutic assistance would have helped him deal with the traumas he was going through. But, the evidence does show that therapy can play a tremendous role in helping people recover from even the most profound traumas. The Ministry of Defence have said in a statement “The mental health of service personnel is a top priority”. But, I’ve often wondered whether service personnel know that in addition to formal therapeutic provision (which may not always be as readily available as we all might wish) there is a network of trained and registered psychotherapists who offer some of their time at reduced cost (indeed some will even offer therapy for no fee) to anyone who is serving, or has served, in the forces. The offer also extends to the partners, adult dependants, and parents of current and ex-service personnel. Details of this service can be found at http://www.thelongboathome.co.uk 

One very effective way of working with the aftermath of trauma is Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing – or EMDR for short. EMDR was developed by Dr. Francine Shapiro in the 1980s. Since then it has developed a truly impressive research base which shows its effectiveness in treating psychological trauma arising from experiences as diverse as war-related experiences, natural disasters, assault, surgical trauma, road traffic accidents, sexual and/or physical abuse or neglect, and workplace accidents. It has also shown its effectiveness in treating phobias, anxiety, and fears around public speaking to name a few.  More details can be found at: http://www.emdrassociation.org.uk/home/index.htm

The process of EMDR rests on the incredible observation by Francine Shapiro that holding a distressing thought in mind whilst performing rapid eye movements, which your therapist shows you how to do, leads to the distressing thought becoming less and less disturbing, until eventually the traumatic experience becomes adaptively resolved. [Eye movements are the standard way of doing EMDR, but there are other equally successful ways of achieving the desired results for those who cannot perform the eye movements.] Accredited EMDR training is only available to suitably qualified therapists (such as UKCP or BACP registered psychotherapists and counselors). There are plenty of films of YouTube claiming to show EMDR in action. Sadly many of these bear little relationship to actual EMDR. The most helpful films, albeit consisting only of text and a voice over, are available at: http://www.emdrassociation.org.uk/home/EMDR_videos.htm

I am two-thirds the way through my accredited EMDR training and finding it more and more useful in my practice for treating a wide variety of issues. I particularly value the fact that EMDR fits really well with my main approach of hypnotherapy. Together the two approaches offer genuine possibilities for resolving even long-standing issues.

Importantly, psychotherapy is not just for people who have experienced life-threatening trauma. Therapy can also be of huge assistance even when life is generally okay or even good, except for that one issue that stumps us (whether it’s battling with a weight issue, premature ejaculation, fear of public speaking or indeed any of the countless human issues that so many of us face).

So, if you know someone who is struggling to live with the memories of deep trauma, or just struggling with a life issue, you can let them know they don’t have to struggle on in isolation. Confidential and professional help is available.

By David Corr

David offers psychotherapy and hypnotherapy at Waterloo Therapy Rooms, The Waterloo Body Station and The Aston Clinic. For more information please contact David via his website: www.corehypnosis.co.uk

Live Life!

The Guardian published a fascinating article in February about the top five regrets of the dying, written from the findings from a palliative nurse. I found it an interesting read, thought-provoking and well worth sharing.

“ Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. "When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently," she says, "common themes surfaced again and again."

Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed, deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. How many times have you thought: “I wish someone had told me that before?" So often people do advise or warn us but we carry on regardless. It is important that we learn from our own mistakes but we can also learn from the wisdom of others – if so many people realise retrospectively that they should have changed their perspective on what is important in life, maybe we should listen more. "

Hypnotherapy, CBT & NLP can help you to change your perspective on life and see where you need to focus your energy. It can help you to realise your goals, release any anxiety, fears or old expectations, allowing you to be the person you want to be. This gives you time to focus on the wonderful life you have created, with all its wonderful twists and turns.

 By Erika Keat

Erika offers Hypnotherapy, CBT & NLP at Waterloo Body Station on Mondays between 2.30pm - 7pm, please contact Erika for more information.  

Teeth Grinding

Teeth grinding or Bruxism to give it its medical name, is a completely natural occurrence in the body. It happens when the bite is not right, if there is an imbalance - a missing tooth for example or when children’s teeth develop. It is something we do subconsciously and a lot of people will teeth-grind during their sleep. It is the body’s natural way of making your teeth fit your mouth.

So if it is natural, why is it such a problem? If you are teeth grinding because your bite is not right then working with the dentist you can correct this and the teeth grinding will stop. However, it is also increasingly common that teeth grinding is linked to stress/anxiety.

In most instances you don’t even realise you are doing it. You may wake up with a sore, aching jaw or even a headache. Anyone who has slept next to someone who grinds their teeth will know that the noise can be unbearable.

It is important to tell the dentist if you are teeth grinding so that they can monitor the wear and tare of your teeth and make sure you are not doing any lasting damage. You can get gum-shields from the dentist to help to keep your teeth apart but this doesn’t deal with the reason you are doing it.

Is it time to look at your stress levels? Hypnotherapy, CBT & NLP can help you to understand your stressors and learn a new way to manage your life so that the stress levels rarely bubble over. Stress is a part of life and we need both the ups and downs to learn and help us grow. However, we don't have to let it affect our health.

You don’t have to expect teeth grinding to be part of your life. To find out how you can take the steps today to helping your jaw stay relaxed and allowing the rest of your body time to destress, freeing time to enjoy the life that you have created, please contact Erika.

By Erika Keat

Erika offers Hypnotherapy, CBT & NLP at Waterloo Body Station on Mondays between 2.30pm - 7pm, please contact Erika for more information.   

Blue Monday

Apparently today 16th January is Blue Monday. It is considered the most depressing day of the year.

How can one predict the most depressing day of the year? Who knows what is going to happen on this day and the next and the one after that?

Tomorrow will be here sooner than we think, and it can be a better day. We are too good at focusing on what is missing or wrong in our life, but we can change and look at what we do have. We can start to focus on the 70% (or more) that is right in our life rather than the small amount that needs improving.

It is good to have stuff to strive for; we need goals, dreams, targets and aspirations. But it is also important to stop and appreciate where we have got to and enjoy the life that we have created for ourselves.

The world continues turning and life goes on day by day.It is up to us to make our own lives as good as we can. You can learn to work with the positive and to see what we do have in life – a Hypnotherapy, CBT & NLP session can help you to have this outlook.


Today can be whatever you want it to be. Yes it may be cold outside, the evenings may be dark, but we have passed the shortest day of the year. Summer is on the way. We can either get there with a smile on our faces or allow ourselves to be dragged down into a negative spiral.


Take control of how you feel today. You can learn a different way of dealing with stress and let go of the anxiety in your life. Today can be the best day of your year as it is the start of working with the power of your mind, focusing on the positive and realising that we choose where we put the energy. You can choose to put it towards positive thinking; you will be amazed at how you can change your perspective and realise that life is quite an amazing thing to be involved in.

By Erika Keat

Erika offers Hypnotherapy, CBT & NLP at Waterloo Body Station on Mondays between 2.30pm - 7pm, please contact Erika for more information.  

What does Hypnotherapy feel like?

What does Hypnotherapy feel like? This is a question I get asked a lot. The world of hypnosis is becoming more recognised now, with the NHS even recommending hypnotherapy to treat certain conditions such as IBS, Anxiety, Insomnia ect. But what can you expect to feel when you come for a hypnotherapy treatment?


The feeling of a hypnotic trance is something we experience every day. It is the feeling when you become absorbed in one thing, lost in thoughts, daydreaming, driving your car and zoning out, driving on auto pilot, going for a walk, or perhaps simply through meditation. There are so many different ways that we enter into this completely natural trance-like state every day.

Being in a hypnotic trance is a similar feeling to just before you fall asleep, where you are still aware of things but are beginning to drift off. You are able to hear and sense things around you but at the same time your muscles become relaxed and your mind begins to release the stresses from the day. There is a sense of distance from where you are as the passage of time gets distorted and often you feel the pleasure of deep relaxation allowing both your body and mind to relax completely.

Everyone’s experience of hypnosis will be personal and slightly different and you may find that you feel different every time you get hypnotised depending on the level of relaxation you reach. As you begin to feel more comfortable with the hypnotherapist and the more you work together, you begin to allow yourself to relax further entering a deeper state of trance. Although you don’t need to experience a deep trance state to be able to have life a changing experience, it can be enjoyable to experience a deep trance and allow yourself the pleasure of letting go completely and being guided through suggestions.

As you enter hypnosis, your awareness is withdrawn from the normal alert state that we walk around in and goes inward. The power of hypnosis is your ability to harness the full potential of your mind without the normal restrictions of the critical mind. This is when a hypnotherapist can help you make dramatic changes in your life, with the suggestions you listen to and how much you embrace these new ideas.

Hypnosis feels very relaxing, the big difference is in what you are guided to experience during this relaxation. A hypnotic trance is simply a naturally relaxed state of mind, which almost everyone can achieve at some level. You are still you, with your own thoughts and beliefs. You remain in full control the whole time, being able to bring yourself out of the trance at any point.


To find out the kind of things Hypnotherapy, CBT & NLP can help with please click here. Take the first step today to understanding the power of your mind and how you can help yourself to achieve your goals in a positive and focused way.

By Erika Keat

Erika offers Hypnotherapy, CBT & NLP at Waterloo Body Station on Mondays between 2.30pm - 7pm, please contact Erika for more information.      

Public Speaking

For many of us the idea of public speaking brings us out in a cold sweat as butterflies start to race around our stomachs. But how come something that we do every day so easily like speaking all of a sudden becomes terrifying? Many of us would like to avoid public speaking entirely but this is not always possible. Making presentations, giving talks, a bestman's speech at a wedding, business meetings, the list of when we may have to confront our fears of public speaking is endless.

There are many reasons why public speaking starts to turn us to jelly. Here are just a few common reasons:

• Self-consciousness – this could be because of accent, grammar, voice, image, the way we stand, how we perceive ourselves
• Lack of confidence – often stems from a feeling that others are better speakers than ourselves or that they know more about the topic in question
• Unfamiliar situation – unless public speaking is something you do regularly the formality of speaking to an audience can cause apprehension
• Fear of looking foolish – we worry that we might forget what we want to say or stumble over words, even say the wrong thing
• When you start to panic over public speaking your body goes into fight or flight mode, releasing adrenaline to help you cope with the situation

Public speaking is a perceived threat and although that perception feels all too real to those who suffer from it, the act of public speaking can do us no harm. Public speaking doesn’t have to be stressful, it can even be enjoyable. If you correctly understand the hidden causes of public speaking stress and if you learn a few tricks to calm your body and mind, it will soon become an invigorating and satisfying experience. Hypnotherapy, CBT & NLP can help you to conquer any public speaking anxieties you have by building up your confidence, helping you to remain relaxed and calm. You can learn your body’s unique reactions to stress and anxiety and develop a healthy and positive way of thinking and feeling. You wouldn’t walk into a meeting having not prepared what you want to say, in the same way you need to prepare both body and mind for how you are going to say it, so you walk into the room ready to speak clearly and confidently.

Imagine, instead of public speaking filling you with dread, you can learn to enjoy it, even to look forward to writing and giving a presentation. Take the first step today to conquering your public speaking fears, relaxing in the weeks leading up to it and even enjoying giving the speech as your new found confidence fills the room.

By Erika Keat

Erika offers Hypnotherapy, CBT & NLP at Waterloo Body Station on Mondays between 2.30pm - 7pm, please contact Erika for more information.